“I Don’t Want to Be This” Lyrics

Original Release: November 2, 2018

1.  Fires Were Started
2.  Every Time
3.  I Can’t Help You
4.  Bored
5.  Inside This House
6.  Teach Me
7.  Cruel
8.  Warning Shot
9.  It’s Not the End of an Era (It’s Just The End)

Every Time

Oh baby, you don’t seem to get it 
I won’t be coming round just to see if you will 
And every little time that you show up in rags 
I put an extra lock on my windowsill 

Oh mama, can’t you hear your own voice? 
You keep saying that you’ve changed but then you’re holding a gun 
Once in every while you take a little more care 
To make sure that I won’t ever end up with her

—–

I Can’t Help You

You broke my heart again 
Seems like you can’t help but do that 
I woke beside you in bed 
Just to find you had turned back 

I can’t help you, baby 
If you don’t know how to love someone 
I can’t help you, baby 
If you don’t know what you want 

So you can call me again 
But it still hasn’t dawned on you 
That when you throw me away 
There’s nothing that I have to do 

I can’t help you, baby 
If you don’t know how to love someone 
I can’t help you, baby 
If you don’t know what you want

—–

Bored

I tried to be on board 
And act like I saw just what it was 
What is about love that can’t be reasoned away? 
All of those things they might become if you got out of the way 

And I saw just what it was 

Try to see me once more 
You act like you’ve finally had enough 
It’s time to cough it up 
You’re bored 

Fell short if the goal was ‘to change’ 
Never met what couldn’t be explained 
She put on her coat as she heads for the car 
The frost upon the glass just like a broken heart 

And I saw just what it was 

Try to see me once more 
You act like you’ve finally had enough 
It’s time to cough it up 
You’re bored

—–

Inside This House

I’m sorry I’m being too loud 
I can turn it off 
I’m sorry I tried to kiss your mouth 
I can turn it off 

I wrote a new song today 
Yeah, I can turn it off 
Cleaned up and dinner’s on it’s way 
I can turn it off 

Inside this house… 
Inside this house… 
Inside this house… 
Inside this house… 

I might go out this week 
But I can keep it down 
Even though you and I don’t speak 
Yeah, I can keep it down 

Leave the house so quietly 
Yeah, we keep it down 
You resent the sight of me 
You don’t keep it down 

Inside this house… 
Inside this house… 
Inside this house… 
Inside this house…

—–

Teach Me

I cut my teeth on you 
I didn’t need to get hurt 
You know I wanted to 

Show me what you hid 
Beneath your bangs and your dress 
Show me what you did 

You wanna teach me 
Show me the ropes 
Feel the pressure getting tight 
Wrapped around my throat 

I let you bite my lip 
You’re gonna eat me alive, girl 
Bit by bit 

You’re my favorite degree 
So tear the dial off the wall 
And cut your teeth on me 

You wanna teach me 
Show me the ropes 
Feel the pressure getting tight 
Wrapped around my throat 

You wanna teach me 
Show me something new 
Yeah I said I haven’t tried before 
Just never with you 

You wanna teach me

—–

Cruel

I’ve been saying for days 
Complicated isn’t worth that now 
I know what I did 
Was it wrong to wanna look so bad? 

You’re coming round (You’re coming round) 
You’re coming round (You’re coming round) 
I wasn’t supposed to come and break your heart 

You’re coming round (You’re coming round) 
You’re coming round (You’re coming round) 
This piece of shit will never work that hard 

Blank stare 
I can’t explain myself 
I just did it to feel something 
Cruel 

Putting cardboard on windows 
Sleep till noon and keep the sunlight out 
I see my phone lighting up 
I must have done something when I blacked out 

You’re coming round (You’re coming round) 
You’re coming round (You’re coming round) 
I’m not the thing you should be looking for 

You’re coming round (You’re coming round) 
You’re coming round (You’re coming round) 
But we both keep coming back for more 

Blank stare 
I can’t explain myself 
I just did it to feel something 
Cruel

—–

Warning Shot

I’m not waking 
My eyes won’t open up 
You get frustrated 
You say ‘that’s enough’ 

Don’t drag me out 
Into paperwork 
The lawyer can forge it 
My signature by yours 

I don’t want this 
To continue or not 
I don’t want this 
It’s a warning shot 

It’s all the same 
Sleepless nights 
Suicide and money 
Wrapped in Christmas lights 

And it’s got me angry 
Made a villain of you 
Consequence of vision 
Now what are we to do? 

I don’t want this 
To continue or not 
I don’t want this 
It’s a warning shot

—–

It’s Not The End of an Era (It’s Just the End)

Break 
Play the B-Side 
Let the single rot on the outside 

We can dance around the novelty 
Of false epiphany 
On your time 

Shake 
Rip up the low vibes 
Surfing out into low tides 

We can get down in the sea foam 
Or just stand around 
Looking dumb 

Sink 
Back into your house 
Let your own crowd bring you down 

We can hate all that we wanna be 
A false epiphany 
That keeps the sun 

It’s not the end of an era 
It’s just the end

Looking Back: “Taking the Blame”

As my catalogue grows, its easy for me to forget about songs I put out in the past.  ‘Looking Back’ will take a look at some of my previous work and talk frankly about the process of making them, things I screwed up and things I feel I got right.  Hopefully this won’t be boring.

“Taking the Blame” from 2008’s Oh No! EP

Originally on: “Oh No!” EP, released January 2008

In Ocotber 2007, I moved from Calgary to Taber, a small town just outside of Lethbridge, Alberta.  I know no one in town and for the first month of me living there, I was unemployed and living in my parents’ basement.  So while half-heartedly looking for work, I started getting deeper into writing and recording music, this time trying to write my own drum tracks as well as everything else.

“Taking the Blame” was born out of a little riff I had been playing with for a few months, but it wasn’t until I discovered The Black Keys’ Magic Potion that I thought I might be able to pull off a blues album.  It was the confidence on those songs that I admired, the riffs were sometimes so powerful that they completely replaced the need for a vocal chorus.  So I gave it a shot.

I had always played around with blues riffs here and there but Oh No! was the first time I actually tried to turn them into full songs.  Over that wonderful month of unemployment, I wrote and recorded the full EP and even now (almost 5 years later) I still love these songs.

Looking Back: “I Took The Hard Way”

As my catalogue grows, its easy for me to forget about songs I put out in the past.  ‘Looking Back’ will take a look at some of my previous work and talk frankly about the process of making them, things I screwed up and things I feel I got right.  Hopefully this won’t be boring.

“I Took The Hard Way” from 2010’s The Truth in the Facts

When I started making The Truth in the Facts, I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do.  I had put out Miracle of Zero and had realized that making a second record that sounds different from the previous one while being its own thing is a lot harder that I thought.  I mean, I can sit down and write 10 new songs that sounds like Miracle of Zero with no problem.  I know what my habits are (for the most part) and I try my best to circumvent or at least bend them enough so that all of my songs don’t sound the same.

For “I Took The Hard Way”, I wanted to write a bluesy song for the album and record it in a completely new way.  I wrote the lyrics one day while working as a cashier at a grocery store in Taber, AB.  It had been a slow day and I was covering someone’s break so I sat up at the front and started jotting down lyrics about how I always seem to do things the most difficult way possible.  Whether it be working a less-than-great job until I’m motivated to find something better, or forcing myself to learn to play all of the instruments on my records, I have a knack for finding that hardest possible way of doing things.  With the lyrics written during an hour of standing at the front of an empty grocery store, I went home to figure out the rest of the song.

At this point, I was still living with my parents who let me set up my recording gear in their basement.  So when they were out of town visiting family or something, I would have all night writing binges.  I’d brew a pot of coffee and stay up all night writing and recording loose versions of songs.  For “I Took The Hard Way” I moved all of my gear up to the kitchen where the hardwood floor would make for a good place to stomp.  I put a microphone in the middle of the room and recorded every instrument and vocal track in different positions and distances from the mic.  Not being able to afford a stereo mic at the time, I mixed the tracks so that it sounded like you were standing in the middle of a group of people playing the song.  It was the first time I had played around with the idea of creating an atmosphere within the song, not just recording it as it was written.

This was one of the more fun songs to record for this album, as certain life changes during the making of it made it difficult to complete.  There are always things I wish I could change after I finish a project, but “I Took The Hard Way” is one I feel I got just right.